3.07.2014

My Treasure


A sure sign at our house that spring is right around the corner is Theo's birthday.  He recently wrote up a guest list for his birthday party and delivered it to my desk where it sits atop my memories and open heart.  Seven years open to all of this pure love that pours in from these little ones, daily.  Sometimes it's hard to believe.

I've been working on a gift to myself.  I started going through close to two thousand photos, starting with Theo's birth through now.  I've been picking some of my favorites and pulling them into Lightroom to edit (finally) and sending them straight off to be printed.  These are most of the set I chose from Theo's first ten months.  (Oh, to pick only ten or so out of hundreds!)  This project has been on my mind for a long time but I was never quite ready to do it.  How sad I felt that I could no longer hold them in my arms and rock them into sugar-spun sleep after nursing them.  What I wouldn't give to see those toothless, gummy smiles.  The yawns!  The pain that came when I tried to close my eyes and picture their one week old faces, two month old faces... and everything was slightly out of focus.  With time, memories fade.  It was just too much at times to try and close my eyes and only see them in a blur.  My little sweet potato vine growin' kiddos.  But that grief has mostly passed.  With time I have been able to untangle the vine and find the bloom.  Mostly by writing it out.  Now, I can look at them and see exactly what is right in front of me without feeling like I always need to back up.  Clearly, I can see two amazingly healthy growing boys - little dudes.  Present.  The extraordinary feeling of knowing them fills me.  I can only imagine what is next.

So I sit here and begin to piece together the details of a party.  And I look at photos from seven years ago and four years ago in a whole new light.  (The photo of Theo one day post-op, no more top of his skull under that skin.  My face!)  To take it all in now with a fresh perspective is such a joy.

And a relief.

I cannot wait to get the prints.

5 comments :

  1. This is so lovely. .. Happy birthday to your little, big guy. My guy turns two this month and I'm just amazed. Enjoy!

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  2. Wow! He's so *Theo*, even as a baby! I love the one where he's smiling on the bed. Very fun. Thank you for sharing!

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  3. I have been doing this too. Separating, organizing into albums, future photo books. I have very few, clear, memories of my kids. Only a couple when I remember memorizing the moment, noticing everysingledetail because I had a baby asleep in my lap and the camera was in the other room. Every other memory is a feeling without the visual. All my visual memories are photographs. Also, I've found by going through photos so many years later, I'm more willing to include less than savory images of myself. I think that's a good thing. Lovely photos, writing. I nearly melted when I opened this window and saw the one-arm-up baby slumber.

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  4. Oh, these pictures are so sweet...hard to believe our babes are going to be 7!!

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  5. Wow! I so remember sweet baby Theo. I've been struggling a bit with N turning 7 in June. SEVEN! It seem so big. He will always always be my sweet baby boy with a shiny cue ball head and a megawatt gummy smile. :) ~ Angelika

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