12.31.2012

Happy New Year!

 This beautiful lady, Aclia, was the same age as me and just starting to wean her 3 year old baby!

Wow, a new year!  I've spent a bit of time these past few days reflecting on 2012.  It was the year that I held Dad's hand one last time.  The year that I learned enough about forgiveness to finally believe in it.  It was the year of watching closely as my little ones inched further away from me and closer to each other.  And oh what I wouldn't give for just a day here and there to rock them in the quiet moonlight again, swaddled and breathy.  Yet here I am with time freed up, begging me to get back to the business of being whole and full.  Well, I gratefully accept.

I'm not one to set new year resolutions.  But I do like to think about things I want more of in my life, and the beginning of a new year seems like a really good time for a fresh start.  The past few days I've been thinking about 2013.  I envision myself with my family, a lot of time spent outside.  I want the smokey smell of  campfire to linger in my hair.  I want to see in my mind at any given time wonderment and excitement coming from Theo and Sully as they continue to grow and learn and be.  And how delicious to smell the crisp outdoors on them, too.  My garden is going to be a real challenge this year as I'm going to be surrounded by two stories now, a huge loss of sunlight.  And for one who needs breathing space, our living space as I've grown to know it these last four years will challenge me.  I'm losing my breathing room, my open space where I rely deeply on the geese and clouds and dry prairie to calm my nerves.  And I mean really rely.  I will greet my 38th year, and with any luck I will greet it at ocean's shore.  My mom and step-dad have left the tobacco barn lined roads of Kentucky for Florida's heat (again) and lick of salty Gulf of Mexico foam on bare toes at sunset.  They are just up the road from where I lived from age 13-18, which means I get to go back now with my own family in tow to a place I'm quite fond of.  I'll look forward to dipping my own toes again while the little ones run up and down the shore.  And we will swim in that healing water, together.   As I arrive here, hours before the calendar year will read 2013, I feel as if I've finally created my very own ocean.  And now it is time to dive in and swim.  Wishing you and yours a very elated 2013!  As always, thank you for being here.  Gratefully, Katie

I go down to the shore in the morning
and depending on the hour the waves
are rolling in or moving out,
and I say, oh, I am miserable,
what shall
what should I do?  And the sea says
in its lovely voice:
Excuse me, I have work to do.

-Mary Oliver

4 comments :

  1. the outdoors, campfire scented hair and babes, feet in the warm sand and salty waters....sounds like such bliss. I hope the new years brings you everything you wish for.

    Happy New Year, Katie!!

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  2. Oh! SO BEAUTIFUL!
    I can so relate to much of what you've shared here.
    Thank you and see you in 2013.
    XOXO
    C

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  3. Such lovely words Katie, and beautiful reflections for 2012. FL!! Yay!! What a nice reprieve available for you and your family! Happy 2013 to all of you!!

    xoxo

    ps.. Mary Mary...*sigh*

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  4. I love how you write about returning to the sea, and how you gracefully touch on all that's changed you in 2012. xoxo

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